Colourblind
by Lux Aeterna
Summary: A bar. Two blondes. A secret. A choice. SeiferQuistis. R&R please.
1. Chapter 1

Any characters used in this story belong to the Squaresoft corporation, and not to me.

**Colourblind**

Neither of them ever told anyone that they met in the same dismal bar every Thursday night. It had started out as a chance occurance, which after time had become more deliberate, and now to tell anyone else would only complicate matters, so they kept these accidentally-secret meetings to themselves.

The bar itself at probably once been a reasonable place to venture to on a weekday evening at some point, but now it was fairly drab. Old stained wood, with an equally old jukebox that churned out the same scratchy old records every night. The bar owner seemed immune to it by now, as did the regulars. It was rather like being in some strange time-warp, where the music was the same, and where the strangely sour smell of old beer and sweat always remained, utterly unchanged by any cleaning that occurred.

The bar-tender had been cleaning the same glass for an hour now, idly watching some sports game which was on mute above the bar. Seifer watched it too, not commenting on the score or the players, as the other regulars were. The game as such didn't interest him, but it gave him something to do when she wasn't speaking, which was most of the time.

The blonde perched next to him on the rickety bar stool had been sipping on her whiskey for the best part of half an hour. Quistis wasn't the sort of woman who would just down her double. She took her time, getting elegantly wasted, but then again, she did everything with elegance. If she'd fallen off her bar stool, it would probably have been with elegance even then.

Seifer took a long glug of his beer, wiping off the froth from his top lip. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see her looking at him with a slightly amused smile. Froth on the lip always seemed to entertain her. He didn't meet her eye, but his lips curved into a similarly wry smile.

It was strange that no one ever asked them where they were going on Thursday nights, but that was partly because everyone else was so wrapped up in their own relationships and lives that they barely noticed anything the single ones did anymore. Rinoa and Squall, Selphie and Irvine, Zell and his mysteriously nameless girlfriend who worked in the library and Raijin and Fuijin. It made for awkward company.

Three years ago, Quistis had gotten bored one night and ended up in this grim little bar in Deling City with just her book for company. Unbeknownst to her, Seifer had also ended up in the same grim little bar, sans book.

It had been unpleasant at first. Then just awkward. Then comfortably awkward. Then it had become habit. Someone to sit next to when there was no one else to sit next to.

After the war, things had changed a great deal. Squall became headmaster of Balamb Garden and shortly after settled down with Rinoa, although they weren't married. Rinoa felt they were still too young at twenty-three. Irvine had taken an apartment in Esthar, where he lived with Selphie. Zell was living in Balamb Garden where he had become an instructor in defence.

Quistis had debated staying in Balamb, but once the war had ended there was basically no more need for her there. There were no more adventures, no more sorceresses to destroy, no more people to protect. So she'd left for Deling City. She kept in touch with her old friends very regularly, but never let on to who she met up with once a week in this dingy place, for reasons she couldn't quite put her finger on.

Seifer had simply wanted to fade into obscurity after the war, and he had done just that. No one recognised him in the streets anymore. He was just another man, and that was how he liked it. He occasionally worked in a garage, tinkering with cars and the like, and that paid the rent.

Stumbling across eachother had been a blessing. Seifer never said it, and neither did she, but he secretly looked forward to these clandestine meetings. He liked the quietness of it. Deling City was a noisy, busy place. This dismal bar, the mute sports on the tv, the elegant blonde who drank with him and spoke little. He enjoyed it.

It was raining outside tonight, and the patter of water on the windows was relaxing. Quistis turned her grey eyes towards Seifer, who had turned back to the game, mouth hanging open slightly. He looked so gormless at that moment that she laughed, and he jumped and looked at her sharply.

Time hadn't changed him. He was still a beautiful, imposing man. But older, and sadder, not nearly as impulsive as the Seifer of yesteryear. Occasionally he'd lose his temper with someone over a game of pool or a knocked drink, but overall he'd mellowed.

So had she. She'd lost her urge for adventures and fights and wars and soldiers. Now she was just another attractive blonde in a bar. It felt strange, but it felt free.

Quistis knew how tonight was going to end up. Several too many whiskeys, a long golden look, tongues, stumbling home in the dark, his or hers - it didn't matter, long limbs wrapped around eachother, heat and sweat, little words, a room dark as cola, primal movements. She could feel a flutter of lust in her stomach already. Seifer was still gawping at the tv and gulping down his beer, but he was still incredible to look at. He made her feel her age, instead of the old warrior that she essentially was.

"What?" said Seifer, noticing her looking at him.

"Nothing," she smiled. "You're just looking... nice. That's all."

He didn't say anything, and went back to his drink. It was hard to know how to act around Quistis. She was usually so uptight, and so proper, that when she came out with anything that made her sound like a normal twenty-three year old, it made him nervous. Which was strange, seeing as he had enough courage when they'd both had too much to drink.

They never talked about it. It just _happened_. Almost every Thursday night for the last six months. Someone would move in too close, someone would tilt their head that way, and then before they knew it they were in bed together. And one was always out the next day before the other woke up. It was a very weird occurance.

After years of being primed to be soldiers, and then being soldiers, they needed some companionship, even if it was just one unspoken night a week.

"Hey, barkeep, another beer and a whiskey for the lady."

The bar-tender flung Seifer a resentful glance, and brought the drinks over. Seifer dumped a couple of Gil in his hand, stole a bit of the whiskey, and handed it to Quistis. She laughed, pretending to be offended.

"Hey," protested Seifer. "I bought it, I deserve some."

Quistis laughed again. "You have your _own_ beer, jerk."

"Oh, jerk is it? Well, you can buy the next round then."

He was definitely tipsy now, and his eyelids drooped lazily over his green eyes. Quistis was no better, and hiccupped. Seifer's laugh came out as a huge snort, and set her off laughing again. She leaned in and rested her head on his shoulder, still smiling drunkenly. Seifer felt his face heating up.

The ice queen was melting, same time she usually did at this time of the week.

"Drink up, kitten," he said. "Let's go."

He pushed a long strand of hair out of her eyes. The moment was dizzy and heavy with anticipation. This would never get old.

She downed the rest of her drink ("_Wow, she must be drunk_"), got off the stool unsteadily and looked at Seifer pointedly.

"Well? Come on then."

He pulled his old grey trenchcoat on, turned the collar up against the rain and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. He was a full head taller than her easily, and she fit well into the crook of his arm. Swaying through the streets together, they didn't speak, but looked around, hoping that no one would recognise them but without being able to truly pinpoint why.

Once indoors, they were on eachother like animals - biting and clawing. Red gasps in the dark. Bodies hard from years of fighting, meshing together, any awkwardness or spite or dislike forgotten for these few brief hours a week. Any disappointments in their lives discarded for a breathless night together. They had never expected this, all through the times they had known eachother at Garden. And now that it was happening it was as if it had been this way for a long time.

Once it was over, they lay there together, tangled in the sheets, regulating their breathing again, not saying a word, but glowing. Blonde on blond. Gold on snow. Seifer, with great effort, moved himself so he could look at her, tousled and sleepy and so far away from the Instructor Trepe that he'd grown so used to over the years. Something beautiful and strong, but right now so ludicrously fragile that he swept her up into his arms and fell asleep with her there.

In her sleep, she smiled.

But it wasn't to last. In those last moments before conscienceness was lost, they both knew it.


	2. Chapter 2

_I own none of these characters._

**Colourblind - Chapter Two**

Quistis had been woken by the sound of the continual rain pattering at the window. She was curled up next to a sleeping, or possibly a pretending to be asleep, Seifer. Quietly as she could, she dressed, took one last look at Seifer, who was looking unnervingly sweet lying there, and then she left. It was nearly 9am.

The weather outside was horrible - wet, windy and cold, which was a bad combination with a hangover. She could still taste the bad whiskey in her mouth and her head ached. She wrapped her coat tighter around her small form, and trudged down the wet street to catch a bus home.

After standing there, mutely uncomfortable in the rain, one arrived. She got on, and found a seat furthest back from the door to avoid the draft and any other people nearby.

Her blonde hair was sopping wet and dripped down her neck. There was nothing she desired more right now than to get back into her apartment, put on some pyjamas and sleep.

The movement of the bus made her feel slightly nauseous, but that wasn't the only thing that was having that effect. This was around the time of week where she'd start to feel dirty and used, despite the fact that she had been a willing participant in what happened nearly every Thursday night. Maybe it was because it was a secret - admittedly an accidental one. Maybe it was because that it simply wasn't the done thing for a woman like herself to behave like that.

A woman like herself? What was that exactly?

A teacher? She wasn't one of those anymore. A soldier? She wasn't one of those either.

She just felt so old, even though she was basically still a kid. Only twenty-three. She wasn't old enough to feel the need to settle down and have children, so why did she feel so past it?

Her thoughts drifted to Squall and Rinoa, so happy inside their perfect little bubble. What she felt towards Rinoa at this moment wasn't quite dislike, but there was an underlying sense of resentment there. A thought flashed through her mind of Rinoa and Seifer, and she felt her stomach jump a little. It wasn't a mental image she cared to return to.

Finally she unlocked the door to her apartment, went inside and closed the door. The silence was a blessing for her pounding head, and she instantly went to change and lie down.

Usually she would shower, but this morning felt different. She didn't want Seifer off her skin just yet, for a change.

As she lay her lovely blonde head on the cold pillow, her thoughts turned to the look on Seifer's face at the point of climax, and her stomach did another jump, but of a different kind. She felt a rush of adrenaline from nowhere, feeling simultaneously ashamed and aroused.

_Tensed muscles, sweat on the brow, an expression at once contorted as it was inexpressively lovely..._

She shut her eyes hard, as if willing the blond man out of her head. It was getting more and more difficult these days. It seemed as if the less she saw her friends, the more she wanted the company of Seifer.

_I need a holiday_, she thought, before falling swiftly asleep.

* * *

Seifer woke at around midday. He simply hadn't felt the need to get up any earlier, considering it was unlikely that he would've been called into work.

He shifted his position, in a vain attempt to become comfier than he already was, and he wasn't surprised to see that she was gone. A swift frown creased his hard features, and then was gone. He didn't expect Quistis to hang around, she never did and neither did he, but now and then, it would've been nice for her to have stayed past nine o' clock. Then maybe he wouldn't have felt so much like something that could be cast aside all the time.

Suppressing a sigh, Seifer swung his long legs out of his bed, and pulled on some clean, but creased, clothes. He'd never quite got the hang of living by himself. He'd always spent his time with people, even if he hadn't always gotten along with them. Being so alone, for lack of a better word, didn't suit him well. He craved attention, and his current life was very much bereft of such a thing.

In a way, he missed his old life, even if it had been a life that was cursed by failure. Failing his SeeD exams, failing as a Knight, failing even so much as to be _liked_ by people.

He glared at himself in the bathroom mirror, water dripping from his face.

What was it about him that drove people away so quickly? Why did Quistis never feel the urge to stay for a morning? As much as Seifer hated to admit it, he liked having her around, liked the look of her, liked her aloofness, liked the feel of a warm body next to his now and again. He was a warm-blooded male - what was so wrong with that?

He knew why she didn't tell the others. Because he was Seifer Almasy, who had fought against them in the Sorceress War, because he had betrayed them and gone against them. However, they had overlooked the fact that he felt they had betrayed him, and Edea. Fighting against the woman who had raised them as children had seemed so repulsive to him.

People seemed to overlook that fact. He had been defending the one person in this world who had loved him, really loved him.

People also seemed to overlook that he had been manipulated and used in the same way Edea had.

He glared at himself, but in his mind was glaring at Balamb Garden, and more pointedly, Squall.

Part of him missed that place - he had, after all, grown up there. But the other part of him resented it, as it pretty much represented his downfall. The forgotten knight. Old news.

He flung himself down on the sofa, flicking through the tv channels. After the war, service on television sets had become much more reliable. Seifer appreciated it. He didn't have much to do anymore, but they still reminded him of the time he had crashed a tv studio, in an attempt to help the Timber revolutionaries. That had started everything. He felt a stab that was something like pain in his chest. It felt like embarassment.

He could feel his mood worsening. He stared blankly out of the window, ignoring the drone of the tv. He wished he had someone here with him. Lonliness sucked.

He wishes she was still her. Pale, wan and beautiful, quiet and elegant. Nothing like most of the girls he seemed to encounter on a day-to-day basis. A smile played on his handsome features as he reminisced about last night. The amber whiskey, the mute sports game, shadows playing on the wall, loads of fun on a rainy night.

He had been thinking like this quite a lot lately and it bothered him. He wasn't as hot-headed as he used to be. The fire had gone out of him somewhat. Was he getting soft in his old age? The closest he'd come to feeling affectionate about someone was that brief summer with Rinoa. She was long-gone now - hooked up with his ultimate rival. The bile still stirred in his stomach about it, not because it was another guy, but because of _who _that guy was. It was practically embarassing.

_Arrogant as ever. But why, exactly?_

It was hard to shut up that sniping, sarcastic little voice in the back of his head sometimes. He deliberately focused on the tv. The woman on it was blonde.

_Ugh._

He couldn't help it. He remembered her as a girl - always bossy, her light hair pulled up in a ponytail, always giving out rules for games, always fighting back against him when he decided to terrorize one of the other kids. She'd remained bossy into her teens and now into her adulthood, and as much as he'd disliked her over the years, he could never quite bring himself to hate her. He'd always respected her beauty, but this situation often threw him. Every time he couldn't quite understand what made he want to be anywhere near him, let alone sleep with him.

He enjoyed being around her more than he let on. He doubted if he'd ever let her know quite how much. Cool, indifferent Seifer was how he'd remain. He hadn't changed _that _much, for God's sake.

Still, he was looking forward to next Thursday already, with an eagerness that made him uneasy.


	3. Chapter 3

_I own none of these characters._

**Colourblind - Chapter Three**

Quistis had made a subtle effort with her appearance tonight, with some embarassment. Eyelashes had been curled, a subtle red lipgloss had been applied, her hair was shinier than normal.

She really had no idea what she was doing.

This was Seifer, for goodness sake. He was not some loverboy who would be easily bowled over like the boys back at Balamb had. Yes, they spent "time" together. Yes, they slept together. But not once had he even shown anything like actual affection in public to someone. He'd never seen him with Rinoa, so she couldn't judge there, but she'd never seen him be anything but a brash, arrogant boy or an aloof, emotionally shut-off man. She didn't know why she was bothering.

Checking herself one last time in her mirror, and being satisfied by what she saw, she left the house, going to meet Seifer at the unannouced place at the unannouced time they met every week.

_This is ridiculous_, she couldn't help thinking. _Normal people arrange things. They talk on the phone. They do things other than drink and have sex._

As she walked through the streets, she attracted a good deal of attention from passing men, which made her feel confident but uncomfortable at the same time. Was she trying too hard?

"Hey honey, wanna come for a drink with me? Come on, give me a chance."

"Damn blondie, you're cute. Want my number?"

Quistis ignored all their advances, head down, maintaining a steady pace before she reached the bar. She paused for a moment outside it, butterflys in her stomach.

_Come on, Quistis, you're getting nervous over Seifer? Get a grip._

She pushed the heavy, old wooden doors and made her way inside, and as usual, there he was, sitting in a booth this week and not at the bar itself, drinking something harder than his usual beers.

He saw her walking towards him, and gave a slight smile.

"Evening, Instructor."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "I haven't been an instructor for years, Seifer."

"Yeah, I know. I just say it because it annoys you."

"Huh."

She left her bag and coat on the seat, made her way to the bar to get herself a drink, and came to sit back down.

"So, how're you?" she asked.

Seifer shrugged. "Alright, I guess. Been a slow week." He took a swig of the colourless liquid in his glass and shuddered. "Damn, I hate this stuff. Dunno why I bought it."

"What is it?" asked Quistis, crinkling her nose in a way that Seifer found inexpressibly adorable, against his better judgement.

"Vodka and tonic. Tastes disgusting."

Quistis laughed. "So why did you buy it if it tastes so awful?"

He shrugged again, and flashed her a brief, brilliant smile. When his features weren't so set and hard, there was something genuinely pleasant about him. Not arrogant or bitter or bad-tempered. Just another young man in a bar with a girl. Not some forgotten old soldier, set in his ways before his time.

Quistis sipped her drink - rum and coke tonight, for a change. She looked around the bar. Tonight the news was on. Must be no sports on, she deduced. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Seifer looking at her. She felt her skin turn to gooseflesh and her stomach churn. Slowly, she turned back to look at him, her face a blank, polite mask.

"What is it?"

"You look different tonight," Seifer said, without any sarcasm. "Prettier, I guess. Not that you ever look ugly or anything."

_I guess that's his idea of a compliment..._

"Thank you, Seifer." Quistis could feel herself blushing. For a pair who had seen eachother naked more times than they could count, this small compliment seemed much more personal.

She sipped her drink again.

* * *

They walked back to Quistis' home that night, and slower than usual. It had been a good night, the warm light of the bar illuminating their faces, laughter, drinks that felt warm on their way down, the dizziness of being around someone you actually liked, not that either one had said anything about it.

Quistis unlocked her door with slightly shaking hands. It had been a while since Seifer had come here. Usually they went to his place, seeing as it was closer. They'd enjoyed the walk though, continuing to talk throughout.

Instead of going straight to the bedroom, Seifer had walked into her living room and sat himself down on the sofa. Quistis had gotten them two beers. He drank his fairly quickly, then peeled off the wrapper and toyed with it. She drank hers much slower, savouring the taste. Beer wasn't something she drank often.

The lamplight was dim, and she's put on some music to dispel the silence.

Seifer looked at her, a long, assessing look, his eyes full of hunger and something else that she couldn't quite put her finger on. He played with a long strand of her hair. Both their hearts were pounding. He leaned in slowly - she could almost taste him already - and kissed her. It wasn't his usual hard kiss, but subtle, soft and lingering. Her stomach flipped. He pulled away and looked at her, running a large hand, rough from fighting, over her smooth, pale face.

He went to say something, but stopped. She blinked at him and tilted her head, questioning him.

"It's nothing, nothing," he said.

Seifer leaned in, and kissed her again, harder his time, his tongue slipping past her lips. She reciprocated the kiss, pushing him backwards onto the couch, running her hands down his chest. Quistis had to marvel at hi - physically he was perfect. She heard him groan in the back of his throat, and he pulled her closer.

Quistis sighed into his kiss, but there was more than just desire in that sigh. Suddenly, she felt deeply, deeply sad, that something as wonderful as this could only be done after several stiff drinks, and once a week without telling anyone. That familiar feeling of filth was back, but with some effort she shrugged it off.

Once again, she felt like she didn't know why she bothered.

* * *

Afterwards, lying next to eachother, Seifer found himself just watching her. She was half-asleep, merely dozing after the last hour's exertions. He stroked her shoulder idly with a thumb, a half-smile playing on his face. Her hair was messy, her makeup had more or less come off, but she was no less lovely for it. Apart from their breathing, the room was silent and still.

"Hey." Seifer nudged her. "You awake?"

"Mm?" Quistis murmered sleepily. She rubbed her startlingly bright eyes and blinked at him. He looked flushed and his cowlicks were sticking up at funny angles. She raised a long, slim hand to try and smooth them down, and failed. Seifer had to laugh at her effort.

"Trust me, they won't do what you want. Try all you like, lady, but you won't get anywhere."

Quistis gave up and propped herself up on her elbow, looking at him. He was astonishing naked. Like a statue. Something carved from stone, or maybe ice. She didn't look too bad herself, in Seifer's humble opinion.

Then he blurted it out.

"Why does one of us have to leave straight away in the morning?"

Quistis looked shocked, and that gave Seifer a strange sort of enjoyment. He still had the power to shock, even in a situation like this one.

"I... I don't know," she answered honestly. "It's just always been like that. Why do you ask?"

Seifer exhaled slowly, avoiding her gaze with his piercingly green eyes. "I dunno, Quisty," he mumbled. "It's just... most people don't do things this way. Like... do this stuff more than once, never tell anyone and then high-tail it out first thing the next morning. I mean, don't you find this a bit weird? We never organise _anything_. We just do the same thing pretty much every week. We both want this, otherwise we wouldn't keep on at it."

He scowled at nothing in particular, then looked at her in such a way that it hit her hard and sweet as a shot of morphine.

He had looked _vunerable_. She hadn't seen him look that way for a long, long time, and she wanted nothing more than to sweep him up in her arms.

But, obviously, she didn't. Her stoical mask didn't come off that easily.

"I don't know why we don't tell anyone. It just happened, Seifer. It just seems like if we tell someone, it'll look bad."

The glare was back. "Because of what happened?" It was more of a statement than a question. "Because of what I did when I was an impressionable kid?"

"People died." Her tone was flat, emotionless. To her horror, she realised that she sounded like Squall. It seemed that he picked up on that resemblence too, because his scowl deepened.

"Do you like me or what?" he snapped.

"You know I do," she said, quietly, ashamed but without a reason why.

"So why can't we be more open about this?" He stroked her face again, in a way that made her weak. "You're not ashamed of me, are you? I know what I was wrong, but I've changed. If people can't see that then I don't give a shit about them."

He sighed, his eyes slightly downcast. This was weird. He wasn't used to talking about feelings, particularly with someone who'd he'd fought against only a few years back. He wasn't sure how she was going to take this.

"I don't know about this, Seifer. I really don't."

Seifer got out of the bed, and started to dress. "Fine," he said. "Fine." He felt like an idiot.

Quistis was shocked by his sudden change in tone. "What's the matter?"

He spun around, his eyes full of anger and hurt. "Damn it, Quistis, I just come over here and you let me talk like and and make an ass out of myself? Like I'm not good enough for you or something. You're just... I don't know, happy to carry on with this shit? I don't know."

She felt like she'd been bashed in the head with a rock. "Whoa, Seifer, wait on a second. Sit down, calm down. It's just... I don't know... not the right time, I guess."

Seifer cursed. "This has been happening for _six months_, not a week, goddammit. I like you. You know that now. I guess I'm just sick of being an embarassment." His expression was a bitter one. Quistis could only imagine what another failure must feel like for him.

And within moments, he was dressed and gone, leaving Quistis shocked at the state of affairs she was left in. She wanted to follow him into the dark, she wanted to tell him that yes, she was interested in him, and yes, she did want to make more of this. But she was afraid of putting all her cards on the table. She'd done that once and been knocked down spectacularly. She still felt ashamed about that. It was so hard to gauge how the others would react to a relationship with Seifer too, especially after all he'd done in the past.

Even if he had changed, not everyone was going to be so forgiving.

Quistis felt the beginning of tears, but swallowed the lump in her throat, and began to tidy her apartment, stiffly. She stopped, sat down, and exhaled a sign of disappointment and confusion. She wanted him, but letting her guard right down was terrifying.

She needed to get away from this, even if it was just for a little while.


	4. Chapter 4

_Any characters used in this fic are owned by Squaresoft._

**Colourblind - Chapter Four**

****

****

The train ride had been long and boring. Quistis had taken a book with her, but hadn't read it. It had lain abandoned in her bag as she stared out the window, even when there had been nothing to look at as the train went under the ocean. When it had finally re-surfaced, the sun had hurt her eyes, and she'd squinted at the surroundings. As ever, the sea was blue and sparkling, the sky was painfully clear, and the seaside down of Balamb was picture-esque. Seagulls squawked at eachother in the harbour, while the locals bumbled leisurely around the town. Some things never changed.

She made her own way to the Garden, preferring to walk than rent a car. In the last few days she had just wanted things to slow down.

Her head was spinning. Something in her had formed over the past months. A need for something that she had ignored for a long time had been awoken in her. The need to be held, spoken to in that way that only couples do, the need to feel a body next to her at night, the flushed cheeks of youths by lamplight.

She had ignored this need since she had admitted her, admittedly confused, feelings to Squall several years ago. They had both been very young, but the embarassment of the rejection remained. There had been a couple of fleeting interests in a few other boys in Garden, but nothing permanant or interesting enough to hold her affections for more than a few weeks, and she had never bothered to act on them anyway. For all her beauty, she had been shy.

Which was what made her entire situation all the more ridiculous.The prim, proper elegant woman that was Quistis Trepe, giving herself casually to a former enemy seemed insane when she thought of it that way. But she had forgiven Seifer for all his misdeeds a while ago, and being with him and touching him and spending those moments with him had just become to seem natural after a while. Something fluid and organic.

It had started out as a pleasant sort of comraderie, meeting for drinks, idle chat, one thing leading to another. Comfort for comfort's sake. However, this was becoming a rapid progression of events as mere comfort for the sake of it was no longer becoming enough. It had been easy enough at the start to throw eachother away for another week, like an empty wrapper once the sweet inside had been devoured.

He was in her head now, like an addiction. Like the sun-god Helios, bright and beautiful, but with the ability to burn and destroy everything he touched. She was aware of what he had been, what he was capable of. Temper, cruelty, delusion.

She wasn't even sure if he'd meant what he'd said, about wanting more than a one-night-a-week fumble and then slinking home in the early hours.

But thinking of the vunerability on his face, the hurt... it tore at her heartstrings. Seeing Seifer like that had been an entirely new experience. Of course, she had seen him upset before, angered too, arrogant and spiteful and vindictive, but never _hurt_.

Pushing a lock of hair that had escaped from her hairclip behind her ear, she walked into Garden, looking as confident as she always did. Nobody need know how she really felt at this moment in time. To them, she was the same poised, stoical Quistis as ever.

Walking through the gates, she was greeted by three familiar faces, none other than Squall, Rinoa and Zell. Quistis felt a surge of affection - she didn't see them nearly as often as she should anymore. Squall, usually so taciturn, even now, beamed at her. His arm was wrapped loosely around Rinoa's waist, who was looking radiantly beautiful as usual, jet black hair swaying in the sea breeze. Zell was waving enthusiastically, and ran up to see her, flinging his arms around her in a bone-crushing hug.

"Quistis! Damn, it's great to see you."

Not entirely comfortable with being publically hugged, Quistis humoured Zell and gave him a brief squeeze. "It's good to see you too, Zell," she smiled.

Rinoa removed herself from Squall's arm, deciding to echo Zell's behaviour and give Quistis a hug. "How've you been, Quisty? You must be so tired after the train, want to go get some food and then we'll get you a room ready."

Quistis beamed. She'd felt slightly nervous about coming back here, but now she was truly glad to be home. She allowed Rinao to link arms with her and drag her away to the cafeteria, babbling good-naturedly all the way there. Quistis mostly smiled and nodded as Rinoa waffled away happily about how well Squall was doing at running Garden, how much she was enjoying living there (particularly because of the beach and all the sunbathing she could do), how well Zell was teaching, and so on, so forth.

Quistis was secretly enjoying listening to Rinoa. As much as she doubted she'd ever be best friends with her, she enjoyed the company of the petite, happy brunette. It was hard to feel any bitterness towards her.

After devouring some food in the canteen and being a part of Rinoa's one-sided conversation, Quistis was happy to get to her newly appointed room and lie down. She flopped herself down, legs akimbo, and closed her eyes. She released a deep breath, half of pleasure, half of tiredness. Rinoa could be exhausting company at times. She would've preferred a straightfoward conversation with Squall instead, but there was plenty of time for that. Right now she was mostly focused on re-aquainting herself with the Garden she'd been away from for so long, although it only felt like a few weeks. Everything was the same - bright, colourful, clean, with the constant sound of water that relaxed her so much. She had missed the simple order that came with being a SeeD. Doing your duty, travelling the world, obeying orders, being part of something larger and more important than yourself. She missed that.

Then tiredness overcame her, and she dozed off.

* * *

It had been three long weeks since Seifer had seen or heard from Quistis. He'd stopped by her place twice in an effort to find out where she'd gone, or see if she was home, but it looked dark, and if she was in, which he doubted, she wasn't answering the door. Both times he'd gone there, he'd gone in the hope of solving their problems, and trying to find out how she felt. She hadn't given him a straight answer to anything really, when he saw her last. Both times he had come away feeling as angry and let down as he had three weeks ago.

This had caused a perpetual bad mood. His co-workers had noticed, watching how aggressively he'd been taking apart parts of cars, and how annoyed he'd get once this aggressive approach to fixing things backfired. Seifer was usually a bit of a loose-cannon, but in a way that made him sort of a character, as opposed to just plain intimidating. So people avoided him, which in turn made him feel even worse because he had no one to talk to.

Not that he was planning on unburdening his problems on a bunch of greasy mechanics anytime soon, he thought with a derisive snort.

"Hey, Almasy, your shift's over - go home."

Seifer attempted to wipe some oil off his brow, which instead just smeared it across his forehead and making it worse. He looked over to his boss, a surly, overweight man called Bob who was constantly smoking, totally ignoring any fire regulations that there may or may not have been in place. It was his place after all - he didn't have to give a shit.

"Thanks Bob," said Seifer, dully.

"And when you come back on Monday, pull whatever's up your ass out of it, huh? You're driving away all the customers."

"Hate to break it to you, Bob, but I don't think your beer belly is going to pull in any decent custom. It's me they want."

Bob scowled briefly, then laughed. It sounded more like a cough. "Yeah, yeah, just lighten up a bit."

Seifer decided not to dignify that with a response, took off his boilersuit, grabbed his trenchcoat and left. It was raining again. He wondered if it ever really stopped in this damn city. He walked into the nearest pub, and headed straight for the bar, buying himself a large beer. He slumped into a stool, and started to drink.

He literally had nothing better to do at the moment. Work, bar, home, work, bar, home, work, bar, home. He let out a big sigh and leaned his head on his hand.

He stayed there for the remainder of the evening, watching people come and go, slowly getting more and more wasted. There had been several couples in there, and he'd been relieved when they'd all eventually left. It wasn't what he wanted to see at the moment. It made him feel annoyed, but more shamefully, it made him feel sad.

Sad wasn't an emotion that he was fond of. Seifer felt that he was fairly easy to understand. If he was happy, then great. If he was angry, that was nothing new. But feeling sad was something that he tried to avoid. Sadness equated weakness, and weakness equated failure, which brought back plenty of memories he'd tried so hard to forget.

For what felt like the millionth time this week, his mind returned to Quistis. Beautiful, ladylike, elegant, smart Quistis. She made his stomach churn and his mind race. This wasn't like anything he'd ever experienced with a woman - something akin to an addiction.

Of course there'd been women before her. Looking the way he did, it was a given. All he'd had to do before was walk into a bar, or indeed anywhere, choose a girl, take her home, lose interest, and end it. He'd left a trail of disappointed women across Deling City and Balamb, and he hadn't really cared.

With Rinoa it had been something different. Something very young and fleeting and passionate. He'd never slept with her, and he didn't really regret it either. It'd been a teenage summer romance, with disastrous consequences.

Since Quistis, he hadn't even been concerned with other women. She had been in his head, lithe, pale, beautiful, with her halo of blonde hair cascading past her perfect face. Her expressions, when she laughed, or smiled, or frowned, at the point of climax, played through his head like a cruel slideshow.

He had opened himself up to her more than perhaps with anyone, and she'd disappeared.

He felt like shit.

He felt stupid.

And he hated it.

* * *

Even when she was in the Training Centre, Quistis was finding it very difficult to keep Seifer out of her head.

_Blind... Blizzara... summoning GF Shiva..._

The T-Rexaur gave a final roar, and slumped to the ground, harmless now in defeat. She clipped her whip to her belt, then wiped the thin layer of sweat from her face. She'd stopped being used to fighting, and training again gave her such a surge of adrenaline. It took her back to her days of training, when she'd still been a young girl.

_I remember seeing him, in his blue training uniform, fighing a monster in here. He'd looked so flushed... I..._

She shook her head, as if willing her memories of him to go away. This was an exercise she was finding harder and harder. His piercing green eyes were staring at her all the time, even though he was nowhere near her.

Quistis did not like not being in control. She hated feeling like a slave to her own heart. Feeling flustered, she headed to the Secret Area of the training centre.

To her surprise, she found Squall there. Her shock must have shown in her face, because Squall managed to crack a smile and say, "Don't look so freaked out."

"Oh, uh, sorry. I just assumed you'd be with Rinoa."

Squall shook his dark, handsome head. "Nah, she's with some girlfriends tonight, so I thought I'd do some training for a change. I don't usually get the chance anymore."

"I can imagine," said Quistis. "Being in charge of Garden must be a very stressful job."

Squall pondered this. "Not stressful. Just time-consuming." He turned and looked at her straight, with those alarmingly blue eyes. "What are you doing here anyway? Bit late for you, instructor." It look her a moment to realise that this was Squall's attempt at a joke, so she smiled good-naturedly.

"I just couldn't sleep, and thought maybe defeating a few monsters would help."

Squall studied her expression. "You've been coming here the past few nights. You really can't sleep that bad?"

Quistis felt herself blush. Lying to Squall was fairly pointless at the best of times. He had an uncanny ability to pick up on what was going on behind the glitter.

"I've just got something on my mind," Quistis admitted, hoping Squall would be fine with that.

"Oh." Squall turned back to the view. He didn't like prying into the problems of others, feeling that it was none of his business. However, Quistis was a close friend, and Rinoa had been encouraging him to be more interested in people's problems, especially as he was in charge of the whole Garden now, which was practically overflowing with teenage hormones and all the angst that came with it.

"Uh, anything I can... help with?"

Quistis looked shocked again, and Squall couldn't help but laugh. The idea of him acting this way was fairly bizarre, in fairness.

"It's just... uh... guy stuff, I guess," said Quistis, uncomfortably.

"Well, could you explain it for me? I could try and help. You know, if you want me to."

This was becoming spectacularly awkward. Quistis exhaled slowly. Maybe this would be cathartic. After all, Squall could've written the book about love conquering all.

Trying not to sound like a love-struck teen, she began. "There's this... guy. We've been _involved_, I guess, for a few months. Not dating properly. And he sort of came out with how he felt about me, and I just froze up and left to come here. Now I can't stop thinking about him, and feel like I've ruined it." She felt like an idiot, blurting out her feelings to Squall like this, particularly in this specific place.

Squall processed this information. "If you care about him, then I really fail to see what the problem is." Blunt as ever.

Quistis swallowed. "It's not about what I feel, but who he is. It's complicated."

Squall raised an eyebrow. "Who is he?" His expression was stern, almost forbidding.

Quistis ran a hand through her hair nervously. "It's Seifer, Squall."

Squall was silent. His expression was unnervingly blank. He turned away from her and frowned, in thought apparently. After a few moments, he spoke. "Maybe he's changed for the better. I don't understand why someone like you would care about him that way if he hadn't. If you feel that way, then you should tell him so. Not that it's any of my business."

Squall always managed to make everything sound so straight-foward and obvious. Quistis felt a rush of affection for him. He was obviously so uncomfortable in this situation, and presumably not entirely pleased at her choice of man, but he didn't judge her, or Seifer, or lecture her. He had simply given the most logical explanation he could.

"Maybe I should tell him," she said.

"If you're worried about being hurt," said Squall. "Don't be. If he feels the same way, you've pretty much got nothing to worry about. And sometimes a leap of faith can be a good thing." A shadow of a smile crossed his usually stony features, as he remembered everything he'd sacrificed for Rinoa, everything he'd went through to protect her.

Quistis didn't say anything to that. She was staring into the distance, towards the sea.

"But," continued Squall. "If you decide not to, there's always a place for you here at Garden. I'd be... glad to have you back here."

She looked him straight in the eye. Had he somehow known that she'd be considering this, even if only superficially.

"You're an excellent soldier, Quisty. You know that. We'd all really like you have you back here." He saw the conflicted look on the blonde's face. "Just know that if you ever want to, the option is there. I hope you come to a decision about what you want to do." He gave her a smile, a real one.

Quistis watched him leave, and sat down on the ground, folding her arms. Her mind was racing. She was being given the chance to return to an occupation, and a place, that she loved. She also had the chance to run back to Seifer, tell him how she felt about him, how she'd missed him, how she regretted not just being honest with him in the first place.

Her head and her heart were in total conflict. Being a SeeD again would mean security, and being around people she cared about. Being with Seifer would mean happiness. But it could also mean pain. Seifer was impulsive and brash, his opinion of her could change overnight for all she knew.

_For all I know, he could be in a bar right now, chatting up some different girl._

The thought made her feel sick. The idea of Seifer with his hands on some beautiful girl, touching her the way he'd touched Quistis, saying the same little words, smiling that same radiant smile. The heartache felt physical.

Suddenly, she felt as vunerable as she had five years ago, in this very same place. Only this time, the hurt wasn't something confused and juvenile. It was very real.

* * *

Seifer had been being eyed by the blonde for the last hour or so. He'd ignored her, for the most part, not even smiling at her.

She made her way over, swaying her hips seductively.

"Hey, all alone tonight?"

Mid-drink, he turned and looked at her. There was nothing remotely approachable about Seifer tonight, and he wasn't entirely sure why she'd bothered.

"Yep," he said shortly, before taking another swig of beer.

"Good-looking guy like you drinking by yourself. Wonder why that is." She ran her tongue rather deliberately over her lips. Seifer felt the stirring of desire, but he pushed it down.

This girl may have been blonde and slim and attractive, but despite how drunk he was, she wasn't what he was after. Her eyes were brown, not blue-grey, she was tanned, not pale. And he could tell she wasn't a natural blonde. This girl had no class, nor elegance. She was not Quistis.

He stood up, not even giving her an explanation, and simply walked out of the bar.

By the time he'd gotten home, he felt like a moron. He'd just turned down an attractive girl for someone who had just up and left without so much as an explanation. He had no idea where she was. Anger surged inside him, and he kicked a door, hard, then punched a wall. He barely felt the pain, and only realised his knuckles were bleeding when he felt something sticky on his hand.

He stumbled into his room and collapsed on the bed. The room spun, and he felt sick. Too much drink and a confused head were a bad combination. He could feel himself begin to black out. The last thing Seifer thought about before everything went dark was blonde hair, light eyes, and felt a stab in his chest.


	5. Chapter 5

_Squaresoft owns all characters used here._

**Colourblind - Chapter Five**

Quistis had spent two more weeks in Garden, debating Squall's offer, and also going back to Deling City to see Seifer. After much soul-searching, she decided to go back to Galbadia for a few days at least, to try and find Seifer and to weigh up how she felt afterwards.

While packing her bag of belongings, there was a knock on her door. She hadn't been expecting anyone. "Come in," she said.

To her surprise, it was Rinoa, looking a bit more serious than usual, but still almost offensively beautiful. Quistis couldn't help but lose confidence in her own looks when Rinoa was around.

"Oh, hello Rinoa," she said, smiling. "What is it?"

"You're leaving then?" Rinoa said, getting straight to the point.

Quistis was quite taken aback by her bluntness, but wasn't offended. "Yeah, I'm going to go back to Deling City for a few days and weight up my options."

Rinoa settled herself down delicately on the bed, looking at Quistis pointedly. "Squall told me about your other option." Her tone was neutral, and there was no guessing what she really felt.

Quisis felt her insides freeze slightly. "Oh," was all she could say. Rinoa had once thought she was in love with Seifer. It'd been a long time since, but sometimes old feelings could remain, however confused they were. Quistis knew that for a fact.

"I wish you'd told me about it," said Rinoa. "I could've helped your decision, maybe?"

Quistis inwardly snorted. Rinoa was not someone she'd ever go to for advice. As much as she liked the girl, she still found her very naive, almost childlike. "I just didn't think it'd be appropriate. I mean, you and Seifer did used to date."

Rinoa smiled at her, a real smile that reached her doe-eyes. "And I think I know him pretty well. I think if he'd told you how he feels, then he must feel it. Seifer's not the type to just say any old thing for the sake of it." She gave a silvery laugh. "Seifer's more serious than people give him credit for, I think. Just a little rash."

Quistis felt a rush of strange hope in her chest. She noticed she was shaking slightly. "I hope he meant what he said," she said quietly.

Rinoa's face became serious, the sunny smile gone. "Do you love him?"

Quistis practically jumped out of her skin. The word "love" was something she very, very rarely used. It was a powerful word, capable of making or destroying lives.

"I don't know," she said, her face flushing red.

"If you're spending so much time considering your future like this, then maybe it's a possibility," said Rinoa, sounding very grown-up all of a sudden.

Maybe Rinoa was right. After all, it had been five weeks now, and Seifer had been in her thoughts constantly, wondering how he was, if he was missing her, if she'd messed up. And then little things, like how long and fine his blonde eyelashes were, and how they fluttered in his sleep. Or the way he'd throw his head back when he laughed. Or the way he never seemed to notice when he had the head from a beer on his upper lip. She smiled without being aware of it. Whatever this was, it had happened so slowly and subtlely that for the most part she hadn't even been aware of it.

"Maybe it is, I don't know, I don't want to jump into something like some lovestruck kid."

"Yeah, well, you're sure jumping to get back to Deling City."

Quistis ignored Rinoa's comment, and continuned to pack, cheeks burning.

* * *

It was late evening by the time Quistis got into Deling City. She hurridly returned to her apartment, dropped off her luggage, changed her clothes, and then hurried back out. She was heading to the pub where she and Seifer always met eachother, clinging to the vain hope that he'd be there. It wasn't Thursday, but it was worth a try, and now that she was in the same city as him, she burned to see him.

The weather was still awful. Some things never changed. She'd thought ahead and worn a coat with a hood tonight, but her face still managed to get wet.

Reaching the bar, she shoved open the door with some haste, quickly scanning the regulars. Her stomach flipped. There he was, sitting slumped in a booth towards the back. He didn't seem to have noticed her. She pushed back her hood, her blonde locks cascading round her face, bright in the dim light of the bar. He sat up, squinted at her, but didn't smile.

Seifer couldn't believe his eyes. She was standing right there, in the flesh, looking right at him like some vision, admittedly a damp-looking one. First he felt elated, his heart hammering in his chest, then he felt angry. He stood up, and walked straight over to her. He could visibly see her shrink back from him. He looked so intimidating at the moment, so angry, so tall. Her red lips opened slightly, as if to say something, but it never happened. Before she could say anything, he'd grabbed her shoulders with a strength that was fearsome, and kissed her hard, so hard that it almost bruised her. Quistis felt herself melt. No one ever treated her like this, like she was a woman, not just a former instructor or a brilliant fighter.

He broke away, and just looked at her, still not smiling. "Where the hell have you been?" he snapped.

She was taken aback by his tone. She couldn't say anything.

"I'm asking you a question," he said, letting go of her. "Where the hell have you been? I was worried. I've been _pissed off. _Not so much as a letter, or a phonecall - "

"I don't have your phone number though, Seifer."

" - and I'm left here, wondering what's happened to you, or if you've just gone off with some other guy, feeling like a total moron! I mean, I just pour my damn heart out to you, and you just up and leave? What the hell is your problem?!"

His face was red with anger, his green eyes narrowed. Quistis could really see how much she'd hurt him. The ghost of the old, angry Seifer had returned.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I just... didn't know what to do."

"How about maybe being honest with me? Or was that too much to ask?"

"Stop shouting at me."

"Why should I? You've had me sitting here like some lovesick puppy for over a month, and then you just waltz back in and expect everything to be alright? Damn Quistis, I thought you were meant to be intelligent."

There was a glitter of antagonism in Quistis's eyes now. She'd come here to try and work things out, not to be lectured by someone with a track record of actions like Seifer. "I was confused! That's not my _fault_. For your information, I've been in Balamb Garden trying to get my head straight and work out what I wanted, but it looks like you'd rather just yell at me instead of listen! And while I was there Squall offered to take me back on as a SeeD, so now I've got that to think about too. You're not the centre of the universe, Seifer."

That had hurt him, she could tell. Quistis felt a grim satisfaction at doing it, then horribly guilty. He'd been far more hurt than she - he'd had the guts to put his feelings right out there, and she'd just left him. No wonder he'd been angry - he'd had a perfect right to be.

"You're going to be a SeeD again?" Seifer's voice was startled, sad. "Really?"

"I don't know." All the fire had gone out of her now. He looked like a puppy that had been kicked once too many times. "I haven't decided yet."

Seifer felt like he'd been kicked in the face. The last thing he wanted was Quistis heading back to Balamb Garden, a place he was certain that he'd never be allowed within 50 feet of ever again. If she went back there, he wouldn't see her again, or at least not until her time serving there was up, which could be any amount of time.

He rubbed his face, and Quistis got the impression that he was trying to control himself. He gave a deep, shuddering sigh that Quistis could almost feel. He looked straight at her, his green eyes like a dagger. "Why are you doing this to me?"

Quistis didn't know what to say. She wanted to throw her arms around him, kiss him, tell him that she wanted him, that she thought she loved him, but something held her back. She couldn't look at him. "I don't know."

"We've spent all this time together, I thought we cared for eachother on some weird level, but then you go and decide to choose fighting over me?" It was a very childish way of looking at it, but a strangely accurate one. Quistis felt ashamed of herself.

Seifer made a derisive sound. "Pfft, if that's what you'd prefer, then by all means, you have it."

"It's not like that, it's really not." Quistis could feel tears forming in her eyes.

_I love you like a helpless rage. _she thought. But the words wouldn't, couldn't come. It was like an iron wall where the words were.

"If the Garden is what you want, and if you don't want me, just go. Really, just get the hell away from me. I've been waiting here for you for over a month, and you still can't give me a straight answer for anything. Just go to hell." Seifer's eyes were oddly bright in the dim light of the bar. Quistis felt sick. She turned on her heel, and walked straight out of the bar, tears spilling down her face.

She ran home, her heart feeling as if someone had gone at it with a sledgehammer. She slammed the front door, and slumped down onto the floor, not crying, but the tears falling regardless. She sat there for almost an hour, until she was jolted back to earth by the sound of someone banging on her door. Not caring enough to even check who was there, she opened it, to see Seifer standing there, soaked from the rain, eyes red, and looking straight at her with an expression she couldn't read. A lock of blond hair was stuck to his forehead. He was so beautiful.

He stepped inside, looking at her. Seifer took her face in his hand, and wiped away the tear tracks with his thumbs. She was so small, so delicate, so perfect now that he'd seen a side of her that was human and vunerable, and not the ice queen facade she tried so hard to maintain.

He kissed her. She tasted rain, he tasted salt. He broke the kiss, looking at her, hard, his eyes like a supernova.

"Please don't go. Stay here."


	6. Chapter 6

_I don't own these characters._

**Colourblind - Chapter Six**

It wasn't quite 6am, and it was still dark outside. There was nothing but the sound of slow breathing, the occasional shuffle of a sheet. A dim lamp was lit in a corner of a room, casting only a dim glow over the two prone figures.

Quistis was watching Seifer sleep.

She never failed to be astonished by his looks. Even in sleep, with his face slack and his arms and legs in strange positions. He was like a Greek god. He reminded her of a statue she'd seen once in a museum.

She ran her hand across his short blond hair, which was sticking up at odd angles, and she half-smiled. He had long eyelashes. His skin was a smooth golden colour. His body was still well-muscled and strong from years of training and fighting. He was beautiful.

Seeing him like this, so vunerable and sweet in his sleep, made her decision all the more difficult.

_I can't do this. I can't feel this way._

Her heart ached looking at him. She loved him, beyond words. Words that she simply couldn't get out, no matter how much she wanted to. She had no rational explanation for it.

In his sleep, Seifer sighed, and the little sound nearly broke Quistis' heart. She brushed a tear away that was running down her face.

Feeling this way was changing her. She was no longer in control and it terrified her. Quistis was so used to being in complete control of almost every situation, but not this one. Seifer was so unpredictable, so fiery, while she was so calm and logical.

This situation was not logical, and it was too much.

Seifer shifted in his sleep, his green eyes fluttered open, and he smiled sleepily at her. "What're you doing still awake, huh?"

That smile hit her like a poison arrow. Her mind was made up, but she was screaming inside.

* * *

The weather followed her all the way back to Balamb. Rain and thunder. The drips running down the train window reminded her harshly of the raindrops that had run down Seifer's face at her door the other night. She shut her eyes remembering it. The memory stabbed at her, and then ached like a wound in her chest. That moment, with the look of want and love in his eyes hurt her more than the memory of the huge argument that had followed the next day, when she'd told him of her decision. She'd been afraid of him at that moment. Quistis knew what Seifer was capable of, and in that moment the old Seifer had returned with a vengeance, truly sick of being cast aside and passed over for something else.

A single tear rolled down her pale face.

_You let me in here, you sleep with me, and then you tell me you'd rather go back to Balamb?! What the fuck is the matter with you?! Or are you just running back to Squall on the off-chance that he'll just chuck Rinoa like you chucked me? I see what this is. I never want to see you again. I hate you. I thought you were different, but you're just like the others._

_It's not like that, it's not..._

_Like hell it's not. You must think I'm stupid to try and pull that one._ That scornful look. _It's done._

He'd just left, slamming the front door.

Quistis felt she'd never forget the look on his face as he'd gone. The expression twisted and harsh, the look of someone who'd been so spectacularly let down that their head was reeling from it. He'd looked at her as if he hated her.

Remembering it made her feel like she was going to throw up. Now that she was on this train, she couldn't help but feel that she'd made the worst mistake of her life.

* * *

The last couple of weeks had dragged by terminally slowly, and all the drinking and working in the world hadn't allieviated Seifer's mood whatsoever. He was perpetually miserable and angry, and he was beginning to hate this city. Everywhere he went something reminded him of her. He would do a double-take at any slim, blonde woman he saw, clinging to the vain hope that it might be her, and then feeling like an idiot once he realised that it wasn't her, and that it probably never would be her again.

He had never felt like this before, and he hated it. Love was meant to be the greatest feeling a human could have, but all he felt was bitterness and misery and regret. What was it about him that made him so disposable to people?

After work, he headed straight for a bar, as usual. He didn't really know why he was bothering. Usually a stiff drink cheered him up no end, but lately it had just been making him feel considerably worse. He vaguely remembered laughing a few years ago when someone had told him that alcohol was a depressant. Now that didn't seem quite as funny anymore.

No sooner had he opened the door, but he heard a huge roar that made him nearly jump out of his skin, and was roughly hugged by a huge, dark-skinned man, while a petite young woman with grey hair and an eye-patch stood to the side, giving him a surprisingly large grin. It only took moments for Seifer to realise who he was being hugged to death by.

"Seifer!" Raijin bellowed. "It's been too long, ya' know?!"

Seifer wanted to cry, but obviously didn't. He would've been mocked endlessly, but he couldn't think of two people who he would've been happier to see at this moment in time.

"It's so good to see you guys," said Seifer, trying not to sound choked up.

Fuijin being the more perceptive of the two noticed Seifer's slightly red eyes and was surprised. She raised an eyebrow "PROBLEM?"

Seifer just shook his head. "Let's get some drinks and catch up, huh?"

"Just what I was thinkin', ya' know?"

Many drinks later, Seifer and Raijin were slumped into their seats, faces flushed and grinning stupidly. Seifer had forgotten how much he'd missed the company of his posse. Fuijin's constant mockery and general abuse of Raijin never failed to make him laugh - something which had become almost foreign to him over these last few weeks. Raijin was much further along than Seifer in his drinking, and had started telling particularly rude jokes, which were almost always followed by a kick in the leg from Fuijin, although not even she was totally without a sense of humour, and had to stifle a few laughs.

Eventually, after several more drinks, the whole story about Quistis came out, much to the surprise of the posse. Seifer had to be drunk to talk about a girl like that, although it wasn't said with much enthusiasm. Knowing better than to make fun of a drunken Seifer, the pair decided to be sympathetic.

"I just don't know what her damn problem is," Seifer huffed. "I was actually _nice_ to someone for a change, and they run a mile." He made a derisive noise. "Pfft, women."

"Yeah, man, _women_, ya' know?"

Raijin was promptly smacked around the head by Fuijin. "IDIOT."

Seifer smiled wryly at her. "Come on then, Fu. What do you think about this whole shitty situation? If you're so smart..."

Fuijin glared at him as well as a person with an eye-patch can. Raijin and Seifer both knew how much she hated being asked direct questions that required answers with more than one word. She figited in her seat and toyed with her glass. Finally, she sighed and relented. Fuijin wasn't stupid. As much as Seifer had tried to disguise how much Quistis' apparant rejection had hurt him, to Fuijin it was obvious. She knew Seifer well enough to know when he was genuinely bothered or upset by something.

"Well, going by what you've told us, she's confused. Maybe because she pined over Squall for so long, and then once she told him how she felt, he rejected her. My guess is that she thinks that once she tells you how she feels, she thinks you'll lose interest. I think you should either go and tell her how you feel about her, or just get away from this place, if it's making you so miserable."

Raijin and Seifer stared at Fuijin, dumbfounded. Moments like this made them both wonder why she didn't just speak normally more often.

Seifer looked at his lap and frowned. She'd made sense. "So, you think that I should just leave here if I decide not to go and see her?"

Fuijin shrugged.

"Well, you said yourself that you can't get her out of your head here."

"True."

Fuijin looked at Seifer directly. "The thing is, if you leave, and she comes back for you, you won't know about it. Would you really want to risk that?"

Seifer snorted, his face clouded with anger. "She left me to go back to that piece-of-crap Garden. She's had two chances to stay." He pulled the wrapper off his bottle of beer and crumpled it up, frustrated, and feeling bile rising in his throat. "She can go to hell for all I care."

Raijin and Fuijin exchanged concerned glances. It was blatant that Seifer meant the complete opposite, but there was no point in telling him that, because Seifer knew that for himself, and he hated it.

Bitterly, he hoped that wherever Quistis was, she was miserable, and missing him, and knew that she'd made the biggest mistake in her life. If she came back to Deling City, he'd be gone, and then she'd really know what it felt like to be abandoned.

Seifer glared at his beer bottle, almost willing it to explode. But it didn't, and all he was left with was his stewing emotions, and his posse looking at him like he'd lost his mind.

He ordered another drink, and had to be carried home.

* * *

_Sorry that the chapter was so short, I've been a bit busy, what with it being nearly Christmas and everything. Remember to review, folks. :-)_


	7. Chapter 7

_I do not own any of these characters._

**Colourblind: Chapter Seven**

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Quistis brought her whip high above her head to deliver the final blow to the Imp infront of her. It pierced the air, and delivered a vicious wound to the creature, which promptly fell down dead. Relieved, she wiped sweat from her forehead, and looked around to check that the coast was clear. She'd been battling various monsters for the best part of an hour and was starting to feel exhausted. She disliked Esthar greatly - the land was barren, hardly any plants or greenery, just hundreds of vicious monsters to be destroyed. She missed the vibrant greens and blues of Balamb, and the white-topped trees of Trabia. Even Centra had a decent amount of forests.

Esthar was just... dead. If it weren't for the beautiful, shining city nearby, it would just be nothing but a wasteland.

Zell was doing some post-battle stretches nearby, not looking remotely tired, but full of energy. He thrived on action, Quistis knew. Zell beamed at her. "That's the end of that little dude," he said. Quistis nodded.

They'd been sent on a mission by Garden to lessen the population of monsters that had been slowly breeding since the Lunar Cry several years ago. Xu had been left in charge of the self-defence classes that Zell had been made an instructor of, and plus the spiky-haired martial artist had been itching to go travelling the world again, particularly Esthar that he was endlessly fascinated by. Quistis had just been glad to go somewhere that didn't remind her so much of Seifer.

His green eyes had seemed to follow her around Balamb Garden, despite him being nowhere near her. She saw him everywhere - hanging around the cafeteria with his "Disciplinary Commitee", loitering outside the library without any intention of doing actual work, in the training centre taking down Grats and T-Rexaur's with ease. She'd tried to escape him by leaving Deling City, but he'd followed her regardless.

A month ago she had managed to contact the garage where Seifer had worked during his time in Deling City, regretting her decision to leave, only to be told that a week previous Seifer had handed in his notice and told them that he was leaving Deling City. He hadn't told them where he'd been going.

It had been like a punch in the face. She'd hung up the phone and cried for hours in her room. Any chance she'd had of getting back in contact with Seifer, or seeing him ever again seemed to have been destroyed utterly. It had taken weeks for her to get back to a reasonably normal state, but her heart still ached like an old battle wound. Whenever she saw a tall, blond man, her heart would hammer in her chest and her head would spin, until she realised that it wasn't Seifer, and never would be, and the euphoria was replaced by that familiar ache again.

"D'ya think we should exterminate some more?" Zell interrupted her train of thought. "I mean, the sun's starting to go down, and it's gonna get uglier out here at night. Think we should head back into Esthar?"

Quistis nodded at him and smiled. "Good idea, Zell." She had no intention of calling him "Instructor", but he didn't seem to mind, or hadn't mentioned that he did anyway.

The pair climbed into the gaudy, strange-looking rental car and headed back into the vast city of Esthar.

"This place is ridiculous," said Quistis, lip-curling. "It's just so bright."

"It's awesome," said Zell, still grinning like a maniac. "I'd live here so fast, as long as I didn't have to wear those weird dresses."

"Laguna doesn't wear those."

"Yeah, but he's the president. He can do whatever the hell he likes."

Secretly Quistis was looking forward to seeing Laguna. He was such a pleasant, friendly man that it was hard not to feel the same around him, and she was in serious need of a pick-me-up.

After navigating their way to the Presidential Palace (they managed to get lost twice on the way), Quistis and Zell found themselves being met by Kiros, an old friend of Laguna. The ostentatious way of dressing in Esthar suited him surprisingly well - his tall, elegant frame looked good in it. Quistis remembered that they'd just made Laguna's other friend Ward look like a mountain in a dress. She suppressed a giggle at the memory of it.

"How did it go today?" asked Kiros, after the usual greetings.

"Fine, thank you," said Quistis. "Although it's surprising how badly this monster epidemic has been left to spiral out of control." Her face was stern.

"Yes, it has been a problem. Laguna wanted to make the defences of the city and the city itself safe before we even attempted destroying the majority of the monsters outside. It's taken years just to get all the machines here back to full working order, you know."

Quistis nodded. "I understand. I suppose doing it later is better than not doing it at all." She looked around the building. "I'm guessing that the other SeeDs headed back in before we did?"

"They returned about an hour before you did. Next time I suggest heading in a bit earlier, just in case. Sometimes things get worse than you'd think before the sun goes down."

Quistis took his advice on board and smiled. "We'll do that." She turned to leave. The SeeDs had been kindly offered quarters in the Presidential Building, and she was dying for a long shower and a lie down.

"Oh, before you go, Laguna told me to tell you that you're expected at dinner tonight, at eight o' clock. That ok?"

Inwardly, Quistis groaned. All she wanted to do was change into her pyjamas and relax, but she managed to put on a smile. "Sure, no problem." Then Kiros smiled, and left. Quistis sighed, and turned expecting to see Zell, but to her surprise he was gone. She remembered then that he'd gone to meet Selphie and Irvine. She'd had a chance to go, but lately she hadn't had much of an urge to see anyone, bar a certain green-eyed blond.

There was that familiar stab in her chest again. Why wouldn't it stop hurting? Tears beaded in her eyes, but she dashed them away as dismissively as possible, and headed to her room.

* * *

Her bedroom was lovely, as much as she hated to admit it. Esthar City went against practically everything she liked - cosiness and warmth. Esthar was very clean, too bright, too colourful, edges too sharp. There was nothing comfortable about this place, but Quistis did appreciate the freshness of the room, and the strange oval bed. She liked the way that she could black out the window with a touch of a button, hiding herself away from the strangely futuristic city.

She lay down on the bed, feeling her back click as it went into a relaxed position. She stretched and felt her head spin from the blood rush. It felt good to just lying down. She'd been training so hard lately that she'd practically forgotten what "me time" was.

Although that wasn't entirely accidental. Constant fighting and training and working was there to stop constant reminders of a beautiful man, green eyes, muscle and sinew, sweat and gasps, sleepy noises and a wide, white smile that reached the eyes. A laugh like a barking dog.

She gasped, fiercely trying to hold back the wave of sobs that threatened to overtake her again. Poised, calm, serious Quistis acting like an angst-ridden teenager. She curled up on her bed, full of loathing. She could've had it all, and she'd thrown it all away because she'd been too afraid, and too fast to assume that Seifer was the same as Squall. But he wasn't. Squall was a confused crush. Seifer was love. An infuriating, beautiful, reckless love.

She sat up, walked to her mirror and stared at the reflection - bar the slightly red eyes, she saw a beautiful, blue-eyed, blonde-haired woman. But it was like looking at a shell where the creature inside had long since departed. She felt empty, more so knowing that Seifer could've and would've filled that void, but she'd run away.

"Stupid," she muttered. "So stupid."

* * *

Quistis walked briskly to the dining room just off from Laguna's presidential suite. Despite her mood, she was looking forward to seeing him, in the hope that he would cheer her up a bit. He was so full of silly jokes and stories that it made him appear so much younger than he actually was. Talking to him sometimes Quistis felt that she was talking to a young man of twenty-five, not a man in his forties.

He was thrilled to see her, and gave her a big hug. "It's so great to see you again, Quistis," he beamed. She couldn't help but think about how different the father was to the son. Squall was so serious, even after the war. Yes, he'd chilled out a bit, but he was still the same old Squall, whereas Laguna seemed perpetually overjoyed about more or less everything. Despite this, the relationship between Laguna and his son remained slightly awkward and frosty, through no fault of Laguna's, however.

The meal was delicious and perfectly prepared as one would expect of the chefs to the leader of Esthar, and Laguna was witty and engaging as ever. He had been interested to learn of why Quistis had rejoined SeeD, as he was no true soldier himself, preferring instead to make the world a more peaceful and beautiful place. She knew she couldn't tell him the real reason, and made her excuses.

The conversation turned to travel after a while. Laguna was happily waffling about all the places in the world he'd seen, laughing at the many idiotic situations he'd gotten himself and his friends into.

Finally, he jumped, remembering something.

"I was in Winhill a few weeks ago," he said.

"Yes?" said Quistis, sipping at a glass of wine. "What were you there for?"

Laguna's handsome face creased into a sad sort of smile. "I like to go back there now and then, I dunno, to remember stuff, I guess." He took a glug of wine. "It's nice to go back sometimes and remember my wife." The smile disappeared. "The world's such a big, confusing place, but Winhill never changes. Kinda weird really. I mean, I've got everything here, and I'm totally grateful for it... but living in Winhill was probably the time in my life that I was happiest." He sighed. "I only had a small while of time with Raine... but it was enough to fill a lifetime."

Quistis felt tears brimming again.

_It was enough to fill a lifetime..._

Those few words swirled round her head.

"I just wish I could've had more time, and going back there kind of makes me re-live it." Laguna smiled again, then it froze as he noticed the look on Quistis' face. "Are you ok? You look kinda spooked. You need some water?"

"No, no, it's nothing," said Quistis, her voice strange. "Really, carry on."

Laguna looked at her, concerned. "Well, if you say so," he said. "Speaking of re-living memories though, you'll never guess who I saw while I was in Winhill."

"Who?" asked Quistis, who was now feeling quite embarassed at herself.

"That guy who fought for the sorceress, remember him? He was at Balamb Garden with you. Big, strapping guy - blond, with a real grumpy face. I saw him attempting to fish in a river in Winhill." Laguna laughed. "He didn't seem to be doing too well, judging by all the swearing."

It was everything Quistis could do not to spit out her mouthful of wine. Seifer was in Winhill. She felt overwhelmed, her heart going at the same pace as a mouse's. All the blood in her body seemed to rush to her face.

"R-really?" she said, trying her best to sound calm.

"Yeah," smiled Laguna. "I'd wondered now and then what happened to that kid. Weird that he'd turn up in a place like Winhill. He looks like the city-loving type. Maybe he just wants to be anonymous now, I guess. Well, I hope he's better at doing that that at fishing." He laughed again. Quistis laughed too, although it sounded slightly hysterical.

She rose from her seat, looking shaky. Laguna raised a dark eyebrow. "You sure you're alright?"

Quistis cleared her throat, her voice quavering slightly. "Laguna, if you had a chance to go back, and change everything, and be with Raine forever, regardless of what happened to the world or whatever, would you do it?"

Laguna looked quite startled. His voice was low. "I would. I wouldn't even have to think about it." He stood up too. "Quistis, what's this about? You're not yourself."

"I've got to go. I can't get by in life with just a handful of memories of someone. I'm sorry for ruining your dinner." She pushed the chair away and went to rush out. "Tell Zell I'm borrowing the Ragnorok."

"Quistis, wait!"

She turned around and stared at the blue-eyed man. His face softened. "Does this have something to do with the sorceress's knight?"

Quistis blinked rapidly. "How did you know?"

"Just a hunch." He sighed. "Don't ever live with regrets, Quistis. If you can change something, you should. You've got a chance to. Don't screw things up." The bright smile was back. Quistis returned it. Laguna had always been a romantic at heart.

"Thank you," she whispered, and then she was gone.

_It was enough to fill a lifetime._

"It's not enough for me," Quistis said to herself, and once she was in the Ragnorok, she was smiling.

* * *

_Only one more chapter to go (I feel kind of sad about that). If I don't get it up before tomorrow, merry Christmas to everyone. :-) Remember to review. And thanks to all the people who've left me lovely reviews - it's been so encouraging after such a long time of not writing._

_x_


	8. Chapter 8

_Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, objects, places, or Counting Crows lyrics._

**Colourblind - Chapter Eight**

Seifer had never been any good at fishing. No matter how hard he tried, he simply couldn't get the hang of it. He could see the fish for himself, swimming happily around the crystal-clear pond, but they never showed any interest in the bait. It was extremely annoying, and Seifer couldn't help wondering how he was so bad at this, and how that bonehead Raijin was so good.

Exasperated with himself and the fish, he tossed the fishing rod away from him, and lay back on the grass, with a deep sigh. He gazed idly at the sky, which was as bright and blue as the pond, completely bereft of clouds. One thing he did like about living in Winhill was the perpetually great weather - it had only rained twice since he'd arrived here, while every other day was full of gorgeous sunshine. It cheered him up. Bad weather only brought him down. It reminded him of things that he was making an extremely active effort to forget about.

And so far he wasn't having a great deal of luck.

An unwanted mental image came into his head. _Blonde hair, white limbs, light eyes squinting at him in the early morning light._ Seifer felt his stomach lurch, and he forced it back down, where it belonged.

That mental image had an effect on him as clouds going over the sun. His handsome face creased into an expression of suppressed unhappiness, his mouth in a set line, his brow furrowed.

He had just upped and left Deling City one day. Everywhere he went, she'd been there. He'd found himself following blonde girls in the hope that it was her, when the logical part of his brain knew that it wasn't. There had been nothing remotely logical about this situation and he knew it. He'd felt drunk with love and resentment, like being under a horrible spell. It had controlled him, and if there was one thing Seifer Almasy hated, it was being controlled. He had always sworn that it would never happen again, but it had, and it still was. It nauseated him.

He'd debated going to Balamb to find her, but he'd decided against it, too proud and too angry. He'd hoped she was hurting, wherever she was, on some mission, being bossed around by Squall, putting her life on the line. He'd entertained the brief thought of her on a mission, being fatally wounded and wishing that she'd never fucked up with him, the way she did. Blood on her lips, skin getting whiter, saying Seifer's name...

Admittedly, he'd only thought about that once or twice, when he was feeling particularly angry at her. Once he'd reverted to his usual state of feeling just sad or rather empty, he reflected at what a stupid thought it'd been, and felt a stone in his stomach when he imagined Quistis dead. Even though he doubted he'd ever see her again, the thought of her just not existing anymore made tears prick his eyes and made his stomach churn.

Winhill had seemed the best place for him to go. As far as he knew, there wasn't anyone who knew him here. Ellone would have been a possibility, but she had moved to Esthar to be with Laguna.

By and large, the people of Winhill were easy-going and friendly, although they'd be rather cagey with him at first. Seifer had worried that they recognised who he was, but if they had, they hadn't mentioned it. A couple of local girls had tried their best with him, but hadn't gotten anywhere. They'd been pretty, a pair of tanned brunettes, but for Seifer the wound was still too fresh. He had no idea when it would even begin to heal.

_Listen to yourself, you sound like such a pussy, _came the little, carping voice in Seifer's head. _Pull yourself together! She's just some chick!_

The words rang hollow in his skull. No matter how many times he repeated this little mantra to himself, it never made the slightest bit of difference.

It was one thing to deceive other people, but it really was another doing it to yourself.

Seifer lay there for a short while longer, listening to the sound of the pond and the sound of the light breeze dancing across the grass and the flowers. There were so many flowers here. Sometimes, Seifer felt he'd drown in the beauty of the place. He felt quite out of sorts, a big, lumbering man like himself, like a Golem in a room of glass.

He ambled back to his home on the outskirts of Winhill at a leisurely pace. He still felt like he'd stumbled into some fairytale village, all flower baskets, thatched houses and rolling fields. In a way, he didn't feel at home, but that was nothing new. The only place he'd ever really felt at home was the Garden, and there was no danger of him ever going back there again.

Some of the residents of Winhill nodded at him as he passed, and some smiled. They were interested in the handsome, quiet stranger that had invaded their parts. Most of the population were getting on in years, and the old women couldn't help but beam at the golden man and coo to eachother. If they'd known who he was... who he'd been, then chances are they would have been less glowing in their reports of him to their friends.

It took Seifer roughly fifteen minutes to get to his home. It was just outside the main village and somewhat dilapidated, but Seifer liked it. He liked the musty smell of old wood, the way the sunlight would dip in and out of various gaps in the walls that he couldn't be bothered to fix, the way the stairs creaked when he walked on them, they sounded like an ancient tune. He liked the fact that he had a porch, which he liked to sit on at sunset, with bourbon in a chipped, cloudy glass. There wasn't a lot of furniture - just a few old and deceptively comfortable chairs, his bed upstairs, one or two tables dotted around the house, and a mantlepiece that he'd put a radio on.

The porch steps creaked slightly as he walked up them, and he gave the front door a brief kick and it flew open. Nobody bothered to lock their doors in this place. And anyway, it wasn't as if there was anything valuable in the house to steal, apart from his Hyperion maybe, but no one had any use for it here.

Seifer flung his long coat off, where it landed in a crumpled heap on the floor, then picked up one of the comfy armchairs and moved it out onto the porch. Then he shuffled away to make himself a cup of tea, after which he slumped into the armchair with a sigh that he felt as far down as his toes. Seifer stared at the surrounding landscape, his face passive, the mug warming his callused fingers. It would be sundown in a few hours.

He ran a hand through his hair, which had grown slightly longer in the last few months. He hadn't wanted to go to the barbers, for fear that they'd recognise him, and also because he didn't want to waste the little money he had left from his old job on something as unimportant as a haircut. He felt scruffy, and missed his short hair. His hair only appeared to grow upwards and then flick out in absurd cowlicks here and there, giving him the appearance of a grumpy, yet handsome, dandilion.

He was thinner too, although not for lack of food. It seemed that his black mood had had an effect on his usually robust appetite. Seifer would pick at food over the course of the day, but there was no enjoyment in it. There wasn't much enjoyment in most things these days, not even when he was surrounded by beauty like he was in Winhill. He suspected that he'd never be happy again, but then again, he reflected wryly, he'd suspected that before he'd fallen in love with Quistis.

_Maybe I'm being punished_, he thought, sourly. _Maybe this is what I get for what I did. I never get to be happy ever again. I mean, I do probably deserve this, if not worse._

He thought of the missiles that had been launched at Trabia Garden and felt sick. Quistis had told him about it once - the gravestones draped in memorabilia of the dead, the students gathered in huddled masses, grieving, the destroyed building, the toys of the junior classmen strewn around the place. It was one of the few things in Seifer's life that he truly regretted. He knew that he'd been controlled by the sorceress at that time, but he still felt disgusted at himself.

Seifer remembered Quistis's face when she'd been telling him those things. Gravely beautiful, her hair tousled, lips swollen - it had been some seriously weird pillow-talk.

He felt a stab in his chest, and bit his lower lip. He drank half the cup of tea in one gulp, and decided he didn't want the rest.

He had no appetite for anything anymore.

* * *

Quistis disliked flying the Ragnarok by herself. Zell was far better than she was at it, and she was pretty much sure that he would be furious at her right now, especially when he'd find out what she'd taken it for. She was sure she'd be punished for this, but at this moment she was so excited that she didn't care. She had to see Seifer. She didn't care if he spat in her face and told her to go fuck herself, she had to see him, had to tell him that she'd been wrong and he'd be right and that she loved him, despite what he'd done, despite who he'd been, despite everything.

She didn't think she'd get another chance like this. She needed to know, otherwise she'd spend the rest of her life wondering, "what if?"

It took several hours to fly to Winhill, but it was considerably quicker than any other mode of transport. She landed a short way outside of the village so as not to alarm the residents. They weren't fond of soldiers in this town, she knew that well enough. She smiled to herself as she wandered into Winhill - nothing had changed. It still looked like a painting in a maiden aunt's living room, or something equally twee. The sun was about to go down, and she felt her heart quicken. She needed to find someone to ask about Seifer's whereabouts before they all went to bed early, unlike the people from the bigger cities.

Quistis spotted an old woman walking towards the town square, and rushed up towards her. The old woman looked startled.

"Can I help you?" she said brusquely.

"Yes, um, sorry to bother you," Quistis stuttered. "But, have you seen a young man around here? Tall, blonde, always wears a trenchcoat?"

The old woman blinked at her, and then smiled. "Oh yes!" she said. "We've all seen _him_!" There was a flirtatious tone to her voice, and she chuckled. "Yes, he's caused quite a stir here. Hardly ever says a word to anyone, but so _handsome._ My sister and I always see him trying to fish down by the old pond, but he never seems to have any luck, poor dear."

"Do you know where he lives?" Quistis could feel her heart in her mouth.

"Well, he doesn't live in the village, so I think he lives in a little place just outside of it. Little place, a bit scruffy-looking, but I suppose for a bachelor he doesn't need a castle or anything. Looking for him, are you?"

"Yes, I am."

"Well, I hope you have better luck with him than the local girls did! Apparently he's not much of a talker."

This filled Quistis with delicious hope, the idea that Seifer had been doing the complete opposite of sleeping with every girl in sight. Maybe he still cared for her, maybe he still loved her. She felt dizzy, all of a sudden.

"Are you alright, dear? You've gone a bit flushed."

Quistis smiled at the old lady. "No, no, I'm fine, thank you so much." She spun on her heel and rushed in the direction of the opposite side of the town. The thought that Seifer was breathing the same air as her at that very moment was dizzying.

It only took her around half an hour to walk to the outskirts of Winhill, and sure enough, standing there in the distance was a ramshackle-looking house, small and decaying. A man's house. Quistis stopped walking once she was within a hundred feet of it. Her heart was banging so hard in her chest that she thought she was going to be sick. Months of misery and "what if's" would be coming to an end soon.

Then she felt that she was getting ahead of herself. What if the misery wasn't going to end here? What if it just got worse? She imagined Seifer laughing at her, his beautiful face alive with malice, telling her that she was nothing to him, and that he wasn't interested in anything she had to say. The thought felt like a gunshot.

Quistis stood there, just breathing, for the best part of ten minutes. He was in there, she was sure of it. Suddenly, battling hideous monsters on the plains of Esthar seemed preferable to what was undoubtably going to be the most terrifying moment of her life.

_Quistis Trepe... frightened of a man and some words... who would've thought it? _She smiled wryly at herself.

"This is pathetic," she said outloud, before striding up to the house and stopping abruptly at the porch.

He was there, dozing in an armchair, with a bottle of whiskey open next to him. A cracked glass tumbler was in his hand, empty, and he was breathing deeply. Next to him, leaning against the wood of the porch, was Hyperion which was glinting slightly in the diminishing light. Clearly Seifer still didn't feel totally safe, even in a sleepy little town like Winhill. He was like Squall in that respect, always ready, always on the alert in some way. His mouth was slightly open in his sleep, his head leaning on the side of the chair. Quistis noticed that his hair had grown, and he looked distinctly more unkempt than he usually did. She couldn't help but allow herself to smile, at how handsome he was, how adorable in this moment of unconciousness. Quistis could have stayed looking at him like that forever, partly because of the joy in her stomach, and partly because him being asleep meant that he wasn't shouting at her.

Quistis took a step forward, her foot landing on a small twig, and cracking. Seifer shifted, and his piercing green eyes fluttered open. His right hand went straight for Hyperion, and he squinted at her through bleary, sleepy eyes. His expression became that of confusion, then shock, then anger. He stood up to his full height, and Quistis could see that he'd become thinner. She didn't smile, and said nothing, just looked at him, standing there like Apollo, the light of the setting sun making his hair flame like a halo.

He took a step down off the porch, and glared.

"Is that who I think it is?"

Quistis swallowed. Her throat had suddenly gone very dry.

Seifer took another step down. "Quistis?" His face was now unreadable, and Quistis could feel herself shaking slightly. He repeated her name.

"Yes, Seifer," she said. "It's me."

Seifer walked unsteadily towards her. He'd been drinking, Quistis deduced.

"It's really you." His face was a blank page. "You're actually here."

She detected a strange tone in his voice. What was it? Anger? Hurt? Digust? She felt her stomach sink.

Then, like the sun coming through the clouds, his beautiful face burst into a smile that made her knees tremble. "You're really here, you're really here." Seifer grabbed Quistis by her upper arms and kissed her so hard that she was sure he'd bruised her lips. She didn't care. She wrapped her arms around him, feeling months of tension and sadness and regret pour away like spilt wine.

Suddenly, he stopped, looking at her with an intensity that frightened her, and stepped away from her. Seifer felt his heart hammering in his chest, his head awash with euphoria and anger. It was a confusing combination. He glared at her, standing there, so beautiful and staring at him like she'd done nothing wrong.

"It's been quite a while,"he said, controlling his voice. He wanted to shout and scream - whether it was from happiness or fury, he couldn't tell.

Quistis looked at the ground. "I know," she said.

Seifer rubbed his face, agitated. "You just dumped me, then left to rejoin the fucking SeeDs and now you're here. Mind enlightening me to what the hell is going on?"

Quistis looked at her hands, and then looked at Seifer, hard. "I was wrong," she said.

"Well, holy shit,"said Seifer, sardonically. "The almighty Quistis Trepe admitting she was wrong." He laughed, but it was a bitter sound.

Tears clouded her eyes. "I was wrong to leave you," she said. "It was stupid, and I literally just took the Ragnorok to fly here and tell you so." Seifer's face wasn't angry anymore. He seemed vaguely distressed at seeing her composure faulter.

"Is that all you came to tell me?" His face was serious, his eyes wide, and sad.

Quistis sighed. "No, it's not all." She breathed in, deeply. "I love you. I knew I did for a long time, but I never did anything about it. The only other time I revealed my feelings to anyone, I was shot down spectacularly, and knowing who you were, I didn't want to leave myself open to be hurt."

Seifer raised an eyebrow. "And how do you know I won't just ask you to leave, right now?"

Quistis looked at him sharply. "I don't," she said. "I just needed you to know. If you want me to leave, I will." She turned quickly on her heel, and started to stride away, wounded. Her heart felt like it had a hole in it.

Suddenly, a strong hand grabbed her and spun her around with such ease that she felt like a doll.

"I never asked you to leave, I never wanted you to." Seifer's expression was so hard that it could have been chiselled from diamond. "I only ever wanted to be around you." He sighed, and again, it was full of bitterness. "You hurt me, real bad. I felt like I'd never be right again. I had to leave my home just to get away from you, and you followed me here. If I can't get away from you, then maybe there's something to that." He smiled at her. "I love you, and I feel like a total woman for saying it, but it's true. I'm glad you came back. I'm so glad." He kissed her, softer this time, savouring the moment that he'd been trying not to dream about for months.

"I missed you," said Quistis.

"Who can blame you?" His smile was beautiful, and there was a glint of humour in his eyes. Or maybe it was a tear - Quistis didn't have time to tell, because she was wrapped in his arms, feeling more complete than she ever had in her life.

"What about SeeD?" Seifer said, his mouth muffled in her hair.

"Screw Seed," beamed Quistis, all her eloquence lost. "I want to do something for myself for a change."

"Squall won't be happy about that, or about you stealing his Ragnorok."

"I'll get it back soon. I just want to be with you for a little while. Then I'll return it, and come back here, if you're alright with that."

Seifer kissed her forehead and let his lips linger there. A lock of her long blonde hair touched his face, unsettled by the evening breeze. They both sighed.

"Alright, go send Ragnorok back, and sort out what you have to with SeeD." He looked at her, green eyes steely. "Then come back here."

Quistis smiled, and felt tears prickling in her eyes. "I missed you," she said. "Very much."

Seifer didn't say anything, but just nodded. He'd missed her and loved her and hated her more than he could say, but he wasn't ready to put it into words yet. He'd tell her when he was sure she was coming back. He brushed a lock of hair behind her ears, and didn't smile.

"You're staying here tonight though, right?"

A blush.

"Of course."

He put his hand in hers, and they walked into the ramshackle little house together. Even in the rapidly darkening evening, they glowed. There was only the sound of the wind rustling the grass, and the faraway noises of the village as people settled down for the night with their families. Everything was thrown into a strange technicolour. They felt like they were in a film. Two beautiful blondes, who had nearly come to the end of their journey. Seifer felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders, while Quistis felt so high that her head spun and she saw stars.

Seifer stopped, suddenly. "When you come back from Balamb or wherever you're going, then I'll tell you how much I missed you. But I want to be sure you're coming back."

"I'll come back."

They went inside. They saw eachother smile.

_I am covered in skin  
No one gets to come in  
Pull me out from inside  
I am folded, and unfolded, and unfolding  
I am  
Colourblind  
Coffee black and egg white  
Pull me out from inside  
I am ready  
I am ready  
I am ready  
I am fine._

_

* * *

_

_So, that's the end. I may or may not do a one-off follow-up to this, but we'll see. Sorry for the delay in the final chapter too - I had exams and coursework for uni to do._

_Thank you all for reading and reviewing. )_

_Lux._


End file.
